Positive Change is Happening

So its been about a week since I last updated, and I generally spoke about the diet and getting off track. I am happy to say that I have been back on track. I have been keeping a food journal, and revised my at home workout plan. I have been making better choices in food, healthier ones. Yesterday was by far the best day. I spent most of my day at school yesterday, I have class from 8am - 6:50pm. I am up at 6 usually, but wok up late and with having to drop my son off at school I didn't get to eat breakfast until 9:30. And that may seem late but it actually wasn't bad because I didn't make myself eat when I wasn't hungry. I got out of class at 9:30 and ate a bacon, eggs, and toast with water. After my next class let out at 12:25pm, I ate a lunch; a 4oz piece of boneless, skinless, oven cooked chicken breast with about a cup of cooked collard greens. I drank a new drink I had picked up at Walmart, it comes in a singles pack, all I have to do is add water. Its actually Great Value, I bought 2 boxes to try. The first was the energy booster that came in Pomegranate Lemonade, the second was the regular Fruit Punch. The pomegranate lemonade was very good, would have been great with cold water, mine was a bit warm from sitting in the hot classrooms. The fruit punch wasn't bed either but definitely wasn't as great as the lemonade, it left a bit of a powdery taste in my mouth, but definitely better than  the Crystal Lite I'd previously tried. Anyway, I drank the lemonade drink with my lunch. And then right before my 5pm class, I ate my last snack; about 1/4 cup of spinach artichoke dip with some non fat baked crackers, and drank the fruit punch. It all kept me full and last night when I got home I had about 2oz of steak, with yellow rice, and half cup of veggies. Dinner could of been earlier, but overall, a great day on my way to change.

Also, I figured out that there are a ton of exercises that I can do in my bedroom without needing all the workout dvd's or a gym. Some of them I used to do in college to stay in shape when I played soccer, others are simply to stretch myself and regain flexibility. This "diet" that I am on, it isn't just to change my weight and appearance, its to change my body, how I feel, and most of all my health to make sure that I am around to provide my son with everything he needs and everything I'd like to be able to give him.

Trying to Change

Have you ever actually tried to change things that you do on a daily basis? Ever heard the saying, "can't teach an old dog a new trick". Well that old dog is me and I am struggling. I tarted my journey to begin a diet almost 2 weeks ago, and with the fair, school, and work... well, I've only gotten o far. I have watched what I eat and when, but I till have a good distance to go. I haven't gotten to join the ymca so I can  use their gym yet due to financial reason, but hopefully that will happen soon. I have deigned a bit of a workout plan for myself, if I can ever get enough sleep to starts. Seems like I continue to make endless excuses as far as why things haven't happened yet, and part of the reason for this blog is to be able to hold myself accountable and not make those excuses, because others see them - and most likely will dismiss them.

So this week I am focusing more on what I eat and the amount of food I consume each day. I have notice that I generally don't it down to eat a full meal and end up snacking constantly throughout the day. o I am going to be not only making healthier chose this week but also eating on a better schedule, I will eat a full breakfast, by 7 am each morning. I will snack on a small, but healthy snack around 10, and then eat a full meal for lunch around 12 or 1, and then I will snack again around 2 or 3, and eat dinner by 6 each night. I may need to snack after dinner before bed if I am still hungry, but it will be something light, and hopefully I wont need this snack because I am filled from throughout the day.

Some of the food I did tart eating is fruit, I have eaten ton of fruit the pat couple week. I have also cut out a lot of fat, eating a lot of chicken and seafood. I try not to eat a ton of bread, and drink water more than anything else.

Another thing I need to change in order to succeed at all of this is that I really need to be in bed sleeping by 9pm. I wake up at least 3 times a week at 4:30 am to be to work at 5, one day a week I am up at 5:30 to be to work at 6, and 2 more days I am up at 6 to bring my son to school and then get to my own classes at 8. Saturday is my day to "sleep in" and I generally am still up by 9am because Zay wakes up at about 7:30, and is only willing to sit still for so long, plus he has swim lessons at 11:30 which means I have to be there 15 minutes early, and with 15 minute drive, we leave the house at about 10:15 in case we need gas or anything...

My life is hectic, and I need to make it less hectic, and the only way to do that is to make routines and stick to them. Add to not only being a full time student myself, but a full time single mom, working full time, and working part time, but also being a new parent at my sons school, and a room parent, having to volunteer and sit on boards for the school, and my schedule is full enough for 2 parents and another family. But that's more change for another day.

Things Come When Least Expected!

So today is another changing day, a positive one, and even better yet, its Friday! And with this Friday comes a weekend to spend time with my son. Nothing special planned except being able to spend the entire weekend with the person that has changed me the most.

People say it all of the time, things come when you least expect them. Its when you don't want a relationship that you find the perfect match. Well, my relationship with one of my jobs was fading. When I started, I was looking forward to going every day, and then thing began to fade for various reaon. I began to see the true faces of some co-workers, my hours declined because I tarted school, and I wasn't getting to see a ton of my son, and it was killing me. And then about a month ago, I switched my hours so that I work almost all morning hours, and am finished by noon or the latest 2pm. And since switching my hours I have been working a lot with our manager, very closely. We've also hired a few more people as we've had several of the people that were there when I started leave. My hours had been cut and I was struggling to make ends meet and struggling to be able to afford my health insurance for my son and I. I have been in the past month contemplating giving up my insurance so that I could make my bills each month. And then I started work this week and things looked grim, I had barely enough hours to make insurance payments, my hours next week are even less than they were this week. And I came home on Tuesday with the thought that maybe I need to change jobs, and it would be back to not spending time with my son, which I don't want at all.
And then I opened this morning with my boss, and she asked me to watch over a new co-worker to ensure that he was ready to be certified soon. And although I made several mistakes, I learned so much more. I am not passionate about my job, its a step to my goal, and allows me to pay my bills, and in no way do I plan on working there forever, which isn't very surprising for the job at all. But I love to work and perform to the best of my ability. I love to learn as much as I can about as many things as I can from who I can, because at the end of the day, those things I learn will only help me in other ways to achieve my ultimate goals. SO... anyway, the manager watched me closely, correcting my mistakes, but also encouraging me. And then she asked if I was interested in becoming certified to become a trainer. I am not sure its more pay, and I would have to take a training course, which means its more work on top of my 2 job, and full time school schedule, and being mom to my rumbustious 3 year old, but I also know that doing sso will lead to bigger and better things. Over the next few weeks I will be working to ensure that my work is clean and crisp, and that I know as much as I can, and learn as much as I can so I can become a trainer, and maybe a supervisor.

So there it is, another of my many changing days to come. I feel like an toddler learning to walk - one foot in front of the other, with so much room to grow.

Its just the start.

Not everything that is faced can be changed, but nothing can be changed until it is faced.

James Baldwin (1924-1987)

So this blog is all about me making changes. This is my first post and I am so excited to open myself and expand who I am now and who I am becoming. I found myself today in a daze, confused of how I got where I am. I started adulthood as a college student athlete, and soon became somebody - I cant say who. I had my son after my sophomore year of college, and that's where I became lost. I am not afraid to admit that because its not uncommon of new moms, especially young ones. My friendships changed, my relationships with family changed... my life changed. 

And here I am almost 4 years from when I held my son for the first time, and it has seemed that as time passed over those years, the more I lost myself. I continuously tried to go back to college... online... and it never worked. I even tried moving to Texas to start playing college soccer again, but I failed. I got there and had to send my son home with my mom because the housing and childcare I'd set up fell through. And as much motivation as my son should have been, I didn't succeed, because I needed my son with me. So I finished the semester and moved home. Since then I have worked full time, but got nothing accomplished.

Fast forward to today. I sit on my living room couch, having moved back to my "high school-hood" town, and feeling stuck. I work for Starbucks, and while its not glamorous it helps me pay bills. I also work for Under Armour, because anybody that truly knows me, knows I'd wear sweats and gym shorts the rest of life if I could although I recently expanded my wardrobe to include "wife beaters". I weigh 60 pounds more than I did when I found out I was pregnant, I am 25 and haven't even come close to finishing my bachelors degree, and I still live with my mom. Don't get me wrong, I love my mom, but lets face it... living with your mom at 25 with my son is a bit old, its time to regain my independence (if I ever discovered it in the first place). 

So looking back on all I've been through in the last 5 years, I've decided today that it will be my changing day. I recently started taking college classes at a local community college, in hopes of getting an associates and moving on to a 4 year university to finish my bachelors... who knows, maybe one day I'll have a masters or doctorate. I finally enrolled Zayden in a great catholic school. Today was his second day of pre-kindergarten 4 and he comes out smiling. To see the growth in him and all that he yearns for and deserves is my new motivation. I want to change, not just for myself, but for my son. I have also been changing my schedule to spend more time with him. Today after school we ate bagels for snack, watched Alvin and the Chipmuncks: The Squeaqual, and we painted a plane he got for his last birthday (sadly it took me almost 10 months to do that activity with him). I've signed him up for swimming lessons, and he starts learn to skate soon, and I will also be joining the YMCA. 

The best change to come in the coming months in my health. I have let myself go the past 6 months, and after trying and failing to loose weight, I will be starting Weight Watchers on Monday, independently. I figured out my points, and several recipes, and cant wait! So look for lots of talk about that.

I am also going to go get my license in the next couple weeks so I can do things on my own with my son, and give my mom some relief. I am sure she didn't know at age 25, I'd still be so dependent on her.

So that's it... those are my thoughts, the changes I seek, the changing me. Feel free to follow me on my journey, give advice and opinion, and comment. This is all about change and facing the change. Like James Baldwin said, I cannot change if I don't face what is. So from now on I am not hiding myself, take me for who I am or don't take me at all.