Its just the start.

Not everything that is faced can be changed, but nothing can be changed until it is faced.

James Baldwin (1924-1987)

So this blog is all about me making changes. This is my first post and I am so excited to open myself and expand who I am now and who I am becoming. I found myself today in a daze, confused of how I got where I am. I started adulthood as a college student athlete, and soon became somebody - I cant say who. I had my son after my sophomore year of college, and that's where I became lost. I am not afraid to admit that because its not uncommon of new moms, especially young ones. My friendships changed, my relationships with family changed... my life changed. 

And here I am almost 4 years from when I held my son for the first time, and it has seemed that as time passed over those years, the more I lost myself. I continuously tried to go back to college... online... and it never worked. I even tried moving to Texas to start playing college soccer again, but I failed. I got there and had to send my son home with my mom because the housing and childcare I'd set up fell through. And as much motivation as my son should have been, I didn't succeed, because I needed my son with me. So I finished the semester and moved home. Since then I have worked full time, but got nothing accomplished.

Fast forward to today. I sit on my living room couch, having moved back to my "high school-hood" town, and feeling stuck. I work for Starbucks, and while its not glamorous it helps me pay bills. I also work for Under Armour, because anybody that truly knows me, knows I'd wear sweats and gym shorts the rest of life if I could although I recently expanded my wardrobe to include "wife beaters". I weigh 60 pounds more than I did when I found out I was pregnant, I am 25 and haven't even come close to finishing my bachelors degree, and I still live with my mom. Don't get me wrong, I love my mom, but lets face it... living with your mom at 25 with my son is a bit old, its time to regain my independence (if I ever discovered it in the first place). 

So looking back on all I've been through in the last 5 years, I've decided today that it will be my changing day. I recently started taking college classes at a local community college, in hopes of getting an associates and moving on to a 4 year university to finish my bachelors... who knows, maybe one day I'll have a masters or doctorate. I finally enrolled Zayden in a great catholic school. Today was his second day of pre-kindergarten 4 and he comes out smiling. To see the growth in him and all that he yearns for and deserves is my new motivation. I want to change, not just for myself, but for my son. I have also been changing my schedule to spend more time with him. Today after school we ate bagels for snack, watched Alvin and the Chipmuncks: The Squeaqual, and we painted a plane he got for his last birthday (sadly it took me almost 10 months to do that activity with him). I've signed him up for swimming lessons, and he starts learn to skate soon, and I will also be joining the YMCA. 

The best change to come in the coming months in my health. I have let myself go the past 6 months, and after trying and failing to loose weight, I will be starting Weight Watchers on Monday, independently. I figured out my points, and several recipes, and cant wait! So look for lots of talk about that.

I am also going to go get my license in the next couple weeks so I can do things on my own with my son, and give my mom some relief. I am sure she didn't know at age 25, I'd still be so dependent on her.

So that's it... those are my thoughts, the changes I seek, the changing me. Feel free to follow me on my journey, give advice and opinion, and comment. This is all about change and facing the change. Like James Baldwin said, I cannot change if I don't face what is. So from now on I am not hiding myself, take me for who I am or don't take me at all.